I want to get shot into the sky. Take the fall and experience the exhilaration knowing I might die. Such a dangerous thing, the lure of adrenaline. I feel the need, the want, the call. They ask me all the time if I'm doing fine. I don't know how to answer, other than to stare and dream in silence. They think I'm depressed and struggle to understand why I'm so tense. Yet, I know something they don't. Something they can't understand, no more like they won't. I want to do something great and being stuck to the ground fills me with hate. I see a flash and a blur. They're the thoughts in my mind, they're my spur. There on the ground I see it now. It's the story as old as time. They carry twice their weight, I don't understand how. The answer to their abilities is so sublime...

I'm always dissatisfied with what opportunities I'm given. "This isn't great enough," is what I believe in. There's something I missed, it's all the things I had wished. They're already there. I just need to pursue them. I don't understand when or where they might lead me. I just need to let them free. That thought sparkling like a hidden gem. People need to understand the facts, even though I might seem lazy or lax and sometimes am. I always strive for something purposeful, but life seems to always cram something in the place reserved for the meaningful. Leaving me wondering what I might have been.

Sincerely,

- My Recent Past


I know the answer to my search for finding something great is God, but I want to do something great for Him. I have ideas brewing in my head and I wish to follow them. This is where my story continues...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Crash and Burn....

Well, lets see what's going on with the little guy upstairs right now... I've been thinking a lot lately due to my inability to talk with people as much as I used to now that I'm living on my own and my family isn't around. There's one other guy that lives with me, but we're never really home at the same times. So anyways lots and lots of thoughts have been going on in my mind. 
Recently,  a dream from my childhood came into realization the other day. Not like the kind of dream as in aspiration. The kind of dream you have when you see something coming in the future. Something you just know is going to happen. In all seriousness it's basically a glimpse into the future. However, this glimpse for me had instructions, but what bugs me is I'm not able to remember them exactly. I know that I'm supposed to be helping someone. I know who the someone is too I just can't remember what I'm supposed to do. I remember pulling this person out of a cage next to a building on the edge of a cliff with water flowing down the sides of the cliff to the left and right of the cage, maybe I'll just draw a picture eventually. It's part of a bigger story though. It's almost indescribable. I really need to draw a picture of it and gather my thoughts. Anyways yea... weird stuff if flying through my brain. Bubbling with thoughts from when I was a little kid. I'm going to pray and ask God for the dream again maybe that'll clear things up. Maybe it's not something I'm supposed to be concerned with. We'll see. I'm sure He'll let me know one way or another. The thing that bugged me was one of the first parts of the dream literally happened the other night... ugh.. yea anyways..

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