I want to get shot into the sky. Take the fall and experience the exhilaration knowing I might die. Such a dangerous thing, the lure of adrenaline. I feel the need, the want, the call. They ask me all the time if I'm doing fine. I don't know how to answer, other than to stare and dream in silence. They think I'm depressed and struggle to understand why I'm so tense. Yet, I know something they don't. Something they can't understand, no more like they won't. I want to do something great and being stuck to the ground fills me with hate. I see a flash and a blur. They're the thoughts in my mind, they're my spur. There on the ground I see it now. It's the story as old as time. They carry twice their weight, I don't understand how. The answer to their abilities is so sublime...

I'm always dissatisfied with what opportunities I'm given. "This isn't great enough," is what I believe in. There's something I missed, it's all the things I had wished. They're already there. I just need to pursue them. I don't understand when or where they might lead me. I just need to let them free. That thought sparkling like a hidden gem. People need to understand the facts, even though I might seem lazy or lax and sometimes am. I always strive for something purposeful, but life seems to always cram something in the place reserved for the meaningful. Leaving me wondering what I might have been.


- My Recent Past

I know the answer to my search for finding something great is God, but I want to do something great for Him. I have ideas brewing in my head and I wish to follow them. This is where my story continues...

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Monday, October 1, 2012

Most Frustrating Answer...

Have you ever asked someone what their hobbies are to get a conversation going? I do a lot. Mostly I ask because I like trying new things and I like to learn new ways to spend my free time. However, one of the most common answers I've been getting that is totally make me rage like a tasmanian devil on crack is, "I don't really have any hobbies," or the answer "I don't do much." Seriously what in the world are people wasting their time on these days that they've never tried a hobby before! It makes one wonder whether people actually do anything worthwhile these days. Bleh whatevs...

- The tasmanian devil on crack...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Crash and Burn....

Well, lets see what's going on with the little guy upstairs right now... I've been thinking a lot lately due to my inability to talk with people as much as I used to now that I'm living on my own and my family isn't around. There's one other guy that lives with me, but we're never really home at the same times. So anyways lots and lots of thoughts have been going on in my mind. 
Recently,  a dream from my childhood came into realization the other day. Not like the kind of dream as in aspiration. The kind of dream you have when you see something coming in the future. Something you just know is going to happen. In all seriousness it's basically a glimpse into the future. However, this glimpse for me had instructions, but what bugs me is I'm not able to remember them exactly. I know that I'm supposed to be helping someone. I know who the someone is too I just can't remember what I'm supposed to do. I remember pulling this person out of a cage next to a building on the edge of a cliff with water flowing down the sides of the cliff to the left and right of the cage, maybe I'll just draw a picture eventually. It's part of a bigger story though. It's almost indescribable. I really need to draw a picture of it and gather my thoughts. Anyways yea... weird stuff if flying through my brain. Bubbling with thoughts from when I was a little kid. I'm going to pray and ask God for the dream again maybe that'll clear things up. Maybe it's not something I'm supposed to be concerned with. We'll see. I'm sure He'll let me know one way or another. The thing that bugged me was one of the first parts of the dream literally happened the other night... ugh.. yea anyways..

Monday, August 13, 2012

Poems from my Past

The Ink and The Drawing:

I watch as it drops,
A dark liquid it never stops.
Plop, plop, plop it hits the white snow.
Twisting, turning, curving, I watch it go.
Creating something new
Something I never imagined
Totally out of the blue
But why is it so construed?
I demand it to follow my wishes…
It doesn’t listen; it seems as if it’s possessed
I ask it why and it confesses…
I just want what I want
For no outside forces to give me the taunt.
That I might be something beautiful.
I don’t want you to say I just made this,
You just need to be purposeful
And pretend it’s pure bliss.
I want it not to be your own doing
Despite others constant wondering
Despite what they say or you may hear
I want you to say you just let it appear.

The Gate:

I see a light shining
Towards me, it is coming.
A narrow path with an open door,
Here to lead me to something more.
There is nothing I can do,
but face its way.
It leaves me breathless,
without a thing to say.
There's nothing I can do...
So I step through.


Is He meant to be one and the same?

Or is He meant to be in opposition? 
Brave no, but tame.

Jack of many trades is his name, 
Which path shall He take, 
What shall He make, 
This or that? 
Wearing his changeable hat.  

Monday, July 23, 2012


I feel like people are boring these days. Why can't people be more creative? Why can't they add their personal touch to everything instead of always having someone else do it? It frustrates me because I feel like culture would be more vivid and would grow if everyone took a bit of time out of their day to add their own personal touch to something instead of just going with what's 'hip' or 'in'.

Signing off,
- The need for creativity

Monday, July 16, 2012

Day 3

Figured it out

So I figured it out... I'm leaving, I think. We'll see how it works out. I'm excited and depressed, but more on that later once I get the details worked out. Sad thing, I was bored a few minutes ago and I decided I would read my facebook timeline from bottom to top. It started on June 14th 2008. That's four years ago and yet somehow I don't remember much of it all. As I was reading I realized that I used to have some really solid friends who used to help me with everything, but as time has gone on I've lost touch with them and some of them I haven't talked to in years and what's more is a lot of them I'd feel strange ever contacting again. It makes me realize how sobering this trip of mine might actually be... because in all likely hood I could be gone for up to four years and that's pretty close to how long it's been since I left Minnesota. I'm extremely afraid of losing the great friendships I've made over the past couple of years. I don't want to let go again for the fourth time. I mean I guess it's just for school so I should be able to visit a lot, but still I think it'll be harsh not being able to see my family and friends every now and again instead of every few months. I do feel like it is what God's calling me to do though so I won't argue... It's just hard to put all my trust in Him sometimes. Prayer would be helpful if you're willing.

Best wishes,
- The Nostalgic Mind

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Day 2

Back Again...

So my answer, I believe, is drawing close. I've been praying and waiting for God to meet me. I think He's getting somewhere and convicting me more strongly. I'm still looking to understand who I am, but I think now it's not as important for me. Mainly the reason being that I feel like God will provide. There's this one thought that God is stirring in my mind that I am really quite scared of pursuing, but I guess the thing is there's no reason to be anxious for tomorrow is there?
*change in thought...
One thing that's been bugging me as of late is how little time I devote to reading and writing anymore... I used to read hundreds of books every summer. Yet, now I can't remember the last time I actually finished a book or even started one. It's really saddening to me. I say I don't have time, but I'm always a nightowl so why not just do it then? Eh, whatever we'll see how that goes I've been lacking sleep as of late. Speaking of which another thing that bugs me is how rarely I dream anymore. Dreams used to be the boost to my creativity, but now that I'm lacking them... I'm lacking much inspiration.

- That Small Bit of Conviction

Monday, May 21, 2012


Addiction to something thought to be expression. The need for creation. The splash of colors falling from their eyes. The solemn face is just a guise. Lost in thought, lost in another place. It's time for me to understand what it is I need to face. The lack of certainty in that mystical dreamland. I need to look to Him for His open Hand. The Creator of all creation to lead the way. To help me stay when I tend to sway.

- The Daydream