I want to get shot into the sky. Take the fall and experience the exhilaration knowing I might die. Such a dangerous thing, the lure of adrenaline. I feel the need, the want, the call. They ask me all the time if I'm doing fine. I don't know how to answer, other than to stare and dream in silence. They think I'm depressed and struggle to understand why I'm so tense. Yet, I know something they don't. Something they can't understand, no more like they won't. I want to do something great and being stuck to the ground fills me with hate. I see a flash and a blur. They're the thoughts in my mind, they're my spur. There on the ground I see it now. It's the story as old as time. They carry twice their weight, I don't understand how. The answer to their abilities is so sublime...

I'm always dissatisfied with what opportunities I'm given. "This isn't great enough," is what I believe in. There's something I missed, it's all the things I had wished. They're already there. I just need to pursue them. I don't understand when or where they might lead me. I just need to let them free. That thought sparkling like a hidden gem. People need to understand the facts, even though I might seem lazy or lax and sometimes am. I always strive for something purposeful, but life seems to always cram something in the place reserved for the meaningful. Leaving me wondering what I might have been.


- My Recent Past

I know the answer to my search for finding something great is God, but I want to do something great for Him. I have ideas brewing in my head and I wish to follow them. This is where my story continues...

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Sunday, June 3, 2012

Day 2

Back Again...

So my answer, I believe, is drawing close. I've been praying and waiting for God to meet me. I think He's getting somewhere and convicting me more strongly. I'm still looking to understand who I am, but I think now it's not as important for me. Mainly the reason being that I feel like God will provide. There's this one thought that God is stirring in my mind that I am really quite scared of pursuing, but I guess the thing is there's no reason to be anxious for tomorrow is there?
*change in thought...
One thing that's been bugging me as of late is how little time I devote to reading and writing anymore... I used to read hundreds of books every summer. Yet, now I can't remember the last time I actually finished a book or even started one. It's really saddening to me. I say I don't have time, but I'm always a nightowl so why not just do it then? Eh, whatever we'll see how that goes I've been lacking sleep as of late. Speaking of which another thing that bugs me is how rarely I dream anymore. Dreams used to be the boost to my creativity, but now that I'm lacking them... I'm lacking much inspiration.

- That Small Bit of Conviction

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