I want to get shot into the sky. Take the fall and experience the exhilaration knowing I might die. Such a dangerous thing, the lure of adrenaline. I feel the need, the want, the call. They ask me all the time if I'm doing fine. I don't know how to answer, other than to stare and dream in silence. They think I'm depressed and struggle to understand why I'm so tense. Yet, I know something they don't. Something they can't understand, no more like they won't. I want to do something great and being stuck to the ground fills me with hate. I see a flash and a blur. They're the thoughts in my mind, they're my spur. There on the ground I see it now. It's the story as old as time. They carry twice their weight, I don't understand how. The answer to their abilities is so sublime...

I'm always dissatisfied with what opportunities I'm given. "This isn't great enough," is what I believe in. There's something I missed, it's all the things I had wished. They're already there. I just need to pursue them. I don't understand when or where they might lead me. I just need to let them free. That thought sparkling like a hidden gem. People need to understand the facts, even though I might seem lazy or lax and sometimes am. I always strive for something purposeful, but life seems to always cram something in the place reserved for the meaningful. Leaving me wondering what I might have been.

Sincerely,

- My Recent Past


I know the answer to my search for finding something great is God, but I want to do something great for Him. I have ideas brewing in my head and I wish to follow them. This is where my story continues...

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Monday, May 21, 2012

Day 1

Assessing where I'm at and where I need to go (Part 1):

So I guess the first step in understanding what I want to do begins with understanding who I am and how far I've come despite how small the distance might be. I know I want to help others and I would like to do it as a future job and I would like it to be through something I love and enjoy. So what is it that I enjoy? What do I want to pursue? I'm not entirely sure. I know I love to draw, doodle, play with computers, and just create stuff in general. How do I combine these things? I guess that's what I'll have to contemplate. If you have suggestions let me know. I think I have some ideas, but I'll save that for a later post.

Your friend,
- My Contemplation

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