I want to get shot into the sky. Take the fall and experience the exhilaration knowing I might die. Such a dangerous thing, the lure of adrenaline. I feel the need, the want, the call. They ask me all the time if I'm doing fine. I don't know how to answer, other than to stare and dream in silence. They think I'm depressed and struggle to understand why I'm so tense. Yet, I know something they don't. Something they can't understand, no more like they won't. I want to do something great and being stuck to the ground fills me with hate. I see a flash and a blur. They're the thoughts in my mind, they're my spur. There on the ground I see it now. It's the story as old as time. They carry twice their weight, I don't understand how. The answer to their abilities is so sublime...

I'm always dissatisfied with what opportunities I'm given. "This isn't great enough," is what I believe in. There's something I missed, it's all the things I had wished. They're already there. I just need to pursue them. I don't understand when or where they might lead me. I just need to let them free. That thought sparkling like a hidden gem. People need to understand the facts, even though I might seem lazy or lax and sometimes am. I always strive for something purposeful, but life seems to always cram something in the place reserved for the meaningful. Leaving me wondering what I might have been.

Sincerely,

- My Recent Past


I know the answer to my search for finding something great is God, but I want to do something great for Him. I have ideas brewing in my head and I wish to follow them. This is where my story continues...

Monday, July 16, 2012

Day 3

Figured it out

So I figured it out... I'm leaving, I think. We'll see how it works out. I'm excited and depressed, but more on that later once I get the details worked out. Sad thing, I was bored a few minutes ago and I decided I would read my facebook timeline from bottom to top. It started on June 14th 2008. That's four years ago and yet somehow I don't remember much of it all. As I was reading I realized that I used to have some really solid friends who used to help me with everything, but as time has gone on I've lost touch with them and some of them I haven't talked to in years and what's more is a lot of them I'd feel strange ever contacting again. It makes me realize how sobering this trip of mine might actually be... because in all likely hood I could be gone for up to four years and that's pretty close to how long it's been since I left Minnesota. I'm extremely afraid of losing the great friendships I've made over the past couple of years. I don't want to let go again for the fourth time. I mean I guess it's just for school so I should be able to visit a lot, but still I think it'll be harsh not being able to see my family and friends every now and again instead of every few months. I do feel like it is what God's calling me to do though so I won't argue... It's just hard to put all my trust in Him sometimes. Prayer would be helpful if you're willing.

Best wishes,
- The Nostalgic Mind
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